Tammy Letter to Ah Beng

I know this topic is abit outdated but it's so freakin' funny.


Dear Ah Beng,

I am a poly student and the other day I lost my handphone. Suay-suay, hor, my handphone got this steamy video I shot of me and my boyfriend doing each other. Then some nao hiah must have picked it up and uploaded it, because now the bleddy thing is everywhere! Now I damn lao kwee, go to school got so many people say me. Even police say that maybe I can kena charge for producing an obscene video. How?

Spammy NYP



Dear Spammy,

Dun worry. You ask the right person. When it comes to distributing illegal obscene videos, we at the Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society are the espert.

We can find out who this nao hiah is who sabo you, and make him perform his own sex video, probably with a rottweiler.

Then we can sell DVDs of him at every bus interchange titled ‘the Chronicles of Nao Hiah”. Fair, mah.

As for people saying you, this one is boh pian eh. Maybe you want to consider changing school? Heck care the poly! Come to a university!

Specifically, Hoot U, the Geylang-based uni for bengs and lians, where I am a professor.

You look like you would qualify for a scholarship in our Faculty of Orh Kwee Keng studies. For outstanding students, we offer a direct M.BA. (Master of Bating) advanced degree.

Just come to our main campus at no. 6969 Geylang Lorong 69 so we can see your c.b.

Sorry, sorry, I mean, your c.v.

(Your c.b. we all see oreddy.)

As for the police, I dun think you will kena charge just because you made video of sex. Having sex is normal one, what.

Eh? Chope, chope, chope. This is Singapore, where you can kena charge for just walking around naked in your own flat, so maybe you will kena charge after all. Sorry.

But dun worry, we at Hoot U will not hold having a criminal conviction against you. In fact, if you have, it’s considered ECA points: extra criminal activity points.

See you soon hor,

AH BENG

posted by sotongking @ 1:27 PM